Monsters In the House?

The problem with being an adult is that you forget things you once knew as a child. As the so-called rational world molds your mind you begin to lose the ability to see things that you once could see, things like Monsters.

As an adult you are taught to dismiss the whispers coming from the walls, tapping on the headboard of your bed, and the thing moving in the closet at night but kids don’t have that luxury.

You too once knew the truth about those shadows that creep out of the closet when the lights go out or the clicking sound coming from under the bed. That weird room in the basement or place under the stairs that the adults ignore, you knew they were the places the monsters lived.

You knew the rules too:

  • Pulling the covers over your head provided some protection
  • Make sure your feet are never sticking out from under the blankets.
  • When walking up the stairs and you feel something behind you…run.
  • Turn the light on and off rapidly before sprinting to the bed to make sure nothing appears when the lights go out.
  • Have mom or dad inspect under the bed and in the closet.
  • Teddy Bears help fight off monsters.


Teddy Bear protecting child from monster


Look, let’s be honest…Ohio has its fair share of ghosts and monsters. Mahoning, Trumbull, and Columbiana counties have been occupied a long time and have an extensive history…not all of it pleasant. Before the settlers there were Indian tribes here and before that the Clovis people who we know almost nothing about. What spirits and beasts are trapped in the other realms and trying to get through to our world? We don’t know but kids do. They are still sensitive enough to see and feel them around.

So why is a Home Inspector telling you all this?

Kids know that there all kind of monsters to deal with:

  • Shadow people
  • Werewolves
  • Wraiths
  • Ghosts
  • The Skinny Man
  • Demons
  • Doppelgangers
  • And other unnamed horrors

So if you’re buying a home they are concerned about what else lives in that house…or under it. Are there any dark portals to the netherworld hidden in the attic or a closet? Is there an anchor of some kind hidden there that is keeping the ghosts from leaving or causing the poltergeists to rage?

These are important concerns but there is an answer: Hire a Home Inspector who is also a Certified Monster Hunter to make sure nothing else is in the house. You can assure your children that I am well versed with the realm of monsters. I even took a trip to Poenari Castle high in the mountains of Transylvania, one of the most haunted places in the world, just to expand my knowledge.

So if you’re buying a home, make sure you get an inspection from a Certified Professional Inspector who is also going to track down any monsters and present you with a certificate like the one below. 

So if you’re fleeing your old home because of a poltergeist or other monster be sure to not make the same mistake twice. Have a Certified Monster Inspection done before it’s too late.

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Have You Thought About Your House Numbers Lately? 

Bad House Numbers

If you’re like most of us, probably not.

If you’ve ever tried to go to an address that didn’t have the numbers displayed in a prominent way, you may know the frustration. Sometimes house numbers fall off or bushes grow up in front of them and it’s never really given much thought. Sometimes the numbers are really tiny and on a house that is offset from the road a good distance…You could use binoculars but people tend not to like strangers with binoculars creeping around their neighborhood…don’t be that guy.  Continue reading “Have You Thought About Your House Numbers Lately? “

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